When I was writing my morning pages this morning, it occurred to me that yoga has truly been there for me during every big moment of my life. At least, in recent memory. When I was giving up drinking and embarking upon a life of sobriety in 2010 - coupled with my off-Broadway show closing, I took to the 60 Day Bikram challenge to center myself and make my next path clear. When I was diagnosed with cancer in 2015, I found yoga to be a very healing tool, and at that time I met my dear friend and yoga mentor, Cheryl Fenner Brown. And during this COVID-19 pandemic, which is still going for me in the sense that I am still in a lockdown of sorts, yoga has been an amazing tool, leading me to a partnership with some old yoga therapy friends to bring yoga online, and to finish my yoga therapy certification through Inner Peace Yoga Therapy.
Now that my mother's health is declining, and I find myself questioning my life path, I once again turn to yoga. And while I won't be locking myself in a heated and humidified room for 90 minutes, I will start each morning with the kriya my most recent Kundalini module has taught me: Awakening to the 10 Bodies, a series of simple movements, repeated for 1-3 minutes to allow prana to flow freely in the body. This is coupled with a deep relaxation and the Laya Kriya, a chanted phrase for 11 minutes. All in all, this takes roughly 45 minutes, although it can take 90 minutes when done at the maximum level. My yoga therapy training has set forth the challenge of doing this sequence every day for 40 days, and in doing so, I stumbled and neglected a few days. So instead, I'm keeping myself accountable here and through the very motivating gold sticker approach. I am starting again, starting today for the next 60 days.
Although this sequence is simple, it won't be easy. I've found that to be the case in just this past week, when I gave myself "days off" and decided instead to watch Law and Order SVU marathons on TV. I also am plagued with this lingering sense of guilt for not doing more - more to help my mom, more to help my dad, more to try to make my non-profit organization viable, more, more, more. I'm besieged by "shoulds" and "why am I nots": why am I not writing more, playing my guitar more, doing more yoga, getting outside more, reading more, doing more with my non-profit, singing more, auditioning more, traveling more, eating more healthy foods, drinking more water, the list goes on and on. What I'm hoping with this 60 day challenge is that I supplant these feelings of deficiency and replace them with feelings of abundance and satisfaction. I'm doing something if I am doing this challenge, I'm doing something if I'm showing up for myself every morning. I'm doing something.
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